The Day After Thanksgiving

Posted on by
3

For those of you who know us, and that would be just about everyone reading this post, Sandy and I have six children and six grandchildren. I am the oldest of six in my family and Sandy is one of seven in her family. So, family holidays are a very big deal. There is nothing more important than family. To top it off, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Thanksgiving is a time for kick-back relaxation, turkey dinners (at least two per day) and lots of pie….all kinds–pumpkin, apple, cherry, custard, lemon marangue….yea, those are the ones that I ate yesterday.

With all of our six children and six grandchildren living out-of-town, this Thanksgiving will be a very special family occasion with new family traditions and new family memories. Some of the kids will come to visit us in St. Louis. This year Kelly arrives with her daughter, Rumi Kai, on the Thursday before Thanksgiving. They will stay for eight days. Her husband, Mark, is headed to Florida to be with his family.  Kelly and Mark live on Guemes Island, Washington, so we see them usually only once or twice per year.

Our son, Todd, and his wife, Jessica,  just moved to San Diego. Todd came to Saint Louis for business reasons the week before Thanksgiving. He arrived Thursday night the same day that Kelly arrived. On Friday, that same week, our grandkids from Springfield arrived. Their parents, Craig and Nicole, were in Florida. So we had Olivia, Evan, Ella, Todd, Kelly and Rumi spending the weekend with us. Then, to add to the fun, Saturday night, Kerry, Kristin and Sienna arrived direct from Seattle (they live in Mount Vernon, WA). If you are still with me, I believe that makes six adults and five little people spending the night Saturday night. Four double beds and two air mattresses were filled. This is what we call family fun, right?

My recall of that weekend (just five days ago) is kind of foggy. Kerry, who is pregnant (forgot to mention that), spent the first night, and most of the weekend, throwing-up. Saturday night, she crawled into bed with us so she could stay close to the toilet. Now, I don’t mind if my little girl comes into our bedroom. Privacy is something that big families are not accustomed to anyway. But she’s twenty-seven years old and about to have her second child. Somehow it seemed a little weird having her in our bed. She was pretty sick so Sandy decided we should give up our bedroom for the rest of the week so Kerry could be more comfortable. We would spend the rest of the week sleeping on a futon located on the third floor, and, of course, there are no bathrooms on the third floor. Not that people my age need bathrooms in the middle of the night, mind you. The third floor? Sure, I was in total agreement.

Saturday morning our grandson, Evan, woke us up at 6:00 am because he wasn’t sleepy any more. Since he doesn’t get to see his out-of-town cousins very often he thought it would be a good idea if they all woke before their parents. Because he and Rumi and Sienna were awake he figured he may as well wake up those two sisters of his. They may have slept a few more hours but, hey, if Evan is up, why not everybody else. Ella and Olivia didn’t seem too happy about the early wake-up call.

By 10:00am Kelly, Todd and I were headed to pick-up their grandpa. My dad is eight-six years old. The kids don’t get to see him often. Mom died last January, so this is the first Thanksgiving without Mom. My kids wanted to take grandpa to lunch. Sandy, the brave one, took four kids (Sienna didn’t arrive until 7:00pm) to the Zoo. By 1:30pm I connected with Sandy to transfer kids to my car. Olivia, Evan, Ella and I headed to the Magic House. Sandy, Kelly and Rumi headed home for a nap.

Fortunately, Todd met me at the Magic House to help me entertain the kids. It was huge fun. I lost my grandkids (or maybe they lost me) many times over the next three hours…fortunately they are old enough to manage the Magic House, it’s three floors and many activities with ease. Forty bucks lighter and three hours later it was time to head for home and then off to the airport to pick-up the arriving visitors from Washington.

Sunday, Craig and Nicole arrived to join us for dinner before they headed for home in Springfield Illinois. When I went to sleep Sunday night I could have slept in the middle of an airline runway. I was tired. Sandy was tired. I think Kerry, Kris and Kelly were tired. I’m not sure if Rumi and Sienna were tired. They were still going strong at 9:00 when I headed upstairs to my futon.

The rest of the week is a blur…I recall some of the highlights….lost socks, broken glasses, spilled milk, cold pizza, ice cream treats, lots of food crumbs all over every room, and, did I mention Kerry had to go to the hospital one day? She had a scare with false labor pains. It turns out she was dehydrated from so much vomiting. I don’t like to write about vomiting so I’ll just end that story here.

That brings me to Thanksgiving Day…..that wonderful holiday that I so look forward to…that day of kick-back relaxation. It all began with coffee in bed. A good start. Then, a nice shower. Then, I’m told, Rumi was running too fast being chased by Sienna when she crashes into a living room light and gashes her chin. Moments later Kelly and Rumi and I are headed to Cardinal Glennon emergency room for stitches. After a three-hour hospital visit with some very nice doctors and nurses at Cardinal Glennon, we headed to my sister’s house for Turkey dinner and lots of pies. Rumi has her chin repaired and one more story for our memory book.

Finally, it’s the day after Thanksgiving. I was up at 4:00am today for my first trip to the airport. Kerry, Kris and Sienna are off to San Diego to see Todd and Jessica as they continue their holiday. At 8:00am I’m on my way back to the airport with Kelly and Rumi. They are headed to Denver to spend a few days before they head home. Another of my sons, Brent, who recently moved to Denver, will pick them up at the airport.  So, they are enjoying time together, as I write.

We miss all of the kids who are out-of-town. Brian, Jenn and Fisher are in Portland, Oregon. Brent is single and finding a new beginning in Colorado. Todd and Jessica are starting a new opportunity in California. Mark, Kelly and Rumi will settle back into their groove on Guemes Island. Kris, Kerry and Sienna return to their life in Mount Vernon, WA. And Craig, Nicole, Olivia, Evan and Ella are busy again with weekend soccer games in Springfield.

Sandy and I are home alone, in our quiet, clean and uncluttered house. And, of course, we are looking forward to next holiday weekend with the kids and grandkids. We are counting the days in anticipation.  We can’t wait! No really, I’m serious. We are really look forward to it. Honest injun. We can’t wait. Well, maybe we can wait.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. We hope you enjoyed your holiday as much as we did.

“We sanctify all we are grateful for.”
– Anthony DeMello SJ

Dear Charlotte, Dear Angela, Dear Donor,

Posted on by
Reply

In 2003, when I was the Vice President of Development of Catholic Charities in Saint Louis, I wrote a letter to a deceased woman. It was published in the Catholic Charities Newsletter. I’d like to share a modified version of that letter with you.

Dear Charlotte:

Just prior to Thanksgiving , we learned of your death. We invited you to one of our special events. The post office returned your invitation with a label marked “undeliverable/deceased.”

You passed away April 2003. It just so happens that in October 2003, Catholic Charities was going through a difficult cash-flow shortage. The leadership was having serious discussions about employee lay-offs and services cut backs. Then, the news came, some woman named Charlotte—a donor we never knew—had left four paid on death bank accounts designating Catholic Charities as the beneficiary. The total gifts exceeded $500,000. The cash flow shortage was over.

Charlotte, I want you to know that not a single day has passed when I have not said a prayer for you and for all of the people you have helped through your extraordinary donation.  I vowed from that day forward never to forget you. As an organization, we vowed to hold ourselves accountable by imagining that you resided at the head of our conference table, and from time to time, you would ask, “What did you do with my money?”

My only regret, Charlotte, is that I was never able to thank you when you were still alive. I don’t know much about you. I have no idea why you left Catholic Charities so much money. I can only guess as to what you wanted us to do with your donation.  I can only assume you wanted to help as many people as possible.  Thank you, Charlotte. (Signed) Dan Shasserre.

Now, here I am in a similar development position at Channel 9, the Nine Network of Public Media.  It was October 25, 2010 when I learned of the death of Angela. Our staff remains saddened by the news. None of us were aware that she had passed away, and Angela’s funeral services were private. Still, Channel 9 will receive a generous percentage of Angela’s estate.  Yet, I am somewhat disturbed. I’m disappointed that I didn’t know Angela. I want to ask her why? What motivated you to do this? What do you want us to do with your money? I want to ask you if I can tell others about your gift. Yes, I do want to say “thank you” but, mostly I just want to talk and listen. I want to be reminded, day in and day out, of your story—so we remember how privileged we are, here at Channel 9, that you trusted us enough to donate so generously.

I am tempted to write another letter. I want to know what motivated Angela. Was it a great appreciation for the public television programs she enjoyed, like Nova, Frontline, Masterpiece Theatre? Was it because she appreciated unbiased news from PBS? Was it something from the past, perhaps, a realization of the positive learning experience from our children programs?  Or, was Angela investing in the future of public media because she realized the potential of our collaborative community engagement projects focused to bring improvements in healthcare, education, arts and culture, science and technology, the environment and more? We’ll never know.

If you are a person like Charlotte or Angela…a generous person-one who has already decided to leave some portion of your estate to your favorite non-profit organization, please contact the organization. Speak to the planned giving officer, or anyone, and tell them exactly what you want them to do with your money. Tell them why you are making this gift. They really want to know.

And if you have included Channel 9, the Nine Network of Public Media, in your estate plans, we have many people here who want to listen to your story…please call Jack, Amy, Dick, Nancy, Suzie, Craig, Kate and Kay. Call anyone of us–me too, Dan Shasserre, 314-512-9610.

Rose Colored Glasses

Posted on by
1

I’m going to start this message with a quote that I just discovered recently…

“I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.” Martha Washington (First Lady of the United States of America, 1731-1802)

I love that quote. It’s message is consistent with something I learned as a young man. Someone gave me a book by Martin Kehoe, entitled Your Greatest Power, and the lessons from that book have stayed with me for a lifetime. Your greatest power, according to Kehoe, is the power to choose.  You can choose to be enthusiastic and positive about your life and your opportunities or you can choose not to be. You can choose to be happy or you can choose not to be.

Once in my career, my boss was asking me for an assessment of  a particularly difficult situation. After voicing my opinion,  which was rather upbeat and positive, he accused me of seeing the world through “rose-colored glasses.” He saw the situation through a different set of lenses, one of a pessimist, or as he would put it, a realist. His point was well taken. There are indeed, times when a realistic point of view is necessary.  There are hard times when it would be inappropriate to conclude that one can just change their thinking and things will improve immediately. However, more times than not, that is exactly what you need to do. And it can be done. I remain steadfast in my belief that almost every circumstance can be improved by just thinking about it in a positive way.

So, now that I am older, I have seen many of life’s seasons and cycles. Sandy and I have been flat broke and we have been financially secure.  I know what it means to be unemployed, under-employed, over-qualified, under-qualified. I’ve been lucky and unlucky. I have been the organization hero and I have been the opposite. Through it all I have been blessed with an ability to find the positive side of almost every situation. That attitude prevails, it smothers everything in its wake. A person with a positive attitude sees possibilities through rose-colored glasses. That positive self-expectancy affects situations. It moves situations in a positive direction. Good things happen. I wish it was easy to pass on a positive mental attitude from generation to generation.

My career has taken me to the field of philanthropy. My role is that of a professional fundraiser. What a great field for the incurable optimist–a perfect fit for me, my skills, my passions, my enthusiasm for life and for finding the good in others. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to meet successfully people who have learned the most valuable lesson of life. The truly successful people live by one of my favorite quotes– “We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”   Winston Churchill

So it is that generous giving of one’s time, talent or treasure that is the greatest of life’s pleasures. A truly successful life is not measured by how much a person can accumulate or by your financial net worth.  At death, all of the toys in the world are useless. The only thing that might last forever is what you have given away. No one knows that lesson better than Ben Franklin.

In 1790 Benjamin Franklin left $4,000 jointly to the city of Philadelphia and the state of Pennsylvania. He left instructions that the money should be conservatively invested, but not withdrawn for 200 years after his death.

In 1990 this fund had grown to $1,500,000–375 times its original value. Today that money provides scholarships at Penn College and funds several charitable foundations. Because of his remarkable insight,  Benjamin Franklin continues to benefit thousands of lives even though he has been dead for more than 200 years.

So if you find yourself down on your luck, take a breather, if you must. Then, dust yourself off. Begin anew. Act enthusiastic. Be enthusiastic. Act positive. Be positive. Make something happen-one day at a time.

Don’t waste your time obsessing over what is unfair or unfortunate about
your situation. Put all your energy into what you can do, into the
positive steps you can take, and deliver yourself to wherever you wish
to be.   Ralph Marston

And finally, I leave with this from legendary UCLA basketball coach John Wooden, who passed away this past year just shy of his 100 year birthday.

John Wooden was a special man, the likes of which only come along rarely.  His athletic career and coaching record are unmatched, but his real-life achievements are in the area of personal and human development. He was fond of saying, “Talent is God-given.  Be humble.  Fame is man-given.  Be grateful.  Conceit is self-given.  Be careful.”

God bless each of you, not that you live without difficulties and struggles, but rather that you pray when you feel overwhelmed and helpless, and that you work as if the whole world depends upon your humble effort.