Freedom Riders: from Alabama to Africa

“How wonderful it is that no one need wait a single moment to start improving the world” Anne Frank

What an emotional week this has been. I have been inspired and motivated by storytelling so compelling that it brought on personal feelings of disbelief, astonishment, anger, compassion, and admiration. Tuesday night, I had an opportunity to meet Stanley Nelson the producer of “Freedom Riders.” Stanley had come to Saint Louis, at the request of Nine Network, for a private screening of his extraordinary documentary movie about the 1961 civil rights movement that eventually led to the 1964 Civil Rights Act designed to abolish segregation throughout America. The movie is so well done. It is a powerful reminder of the shameful acts of violence and hatred carried out against non-violent African-Americans and white supporters in Montgomery, Alabama and throughout the south. But it is far more than that. It is story of “heroism” of mammoth proportion. The film clips that we viewed left me with a sense of awe and admiration for the young people of that time. They sacrificed everything for what they believed was absolutely necessary as they faced almost certain injury or even death. Freedom Riders will be shown on PBS stations throughout the country on May 16, 2011.

I believe you will soon be hearing more about the movie Freedom Riders because Oprah Winfrey will feature Stanley Nelson and his movie. She has also invited all 150 living original Freedom Riders to her studios for one of her last televised shows. Of the 436 originals activists who rode on more than 60 bus rides only 150 riders are living today.

Then, early Wednesday morning I departed for Chicago to attend a three-day Advisors in Philanthropy conference. I was attending at the invitation of a friend, Chris Jacob, who owns a company called Cadeau. Chris is a wealth advisor and many of his clients are high net-worth individuals. My expectations of long days, boring meetings listening to financial advisors who would speak of sophisticated ways for wealthy people to avoid taxation via legal clever methods was totally unfounded. Instead, I found to my surprise, none of the speakers talked about such tactics. Instead, they spoke about their desires to benefit the people they serve. The entire two days was focused on the potential of philanthropy to benefit communities around the world. The two days of key-note speeches and multiple seminars addressed lofty topics like, how to teach our children and grandchildren to be philanthropist. For those interested in teaching children why giving is important I recommend www.youthgive.org I suggest that you search the website for stories told by children who want to help homeless people in the United States or those who lack water in Africa and throughout the world.

Another fascinating topic covered in these seminars is the art of storytelling. A fantastic “storyteller” himself, Scott Farnsworth, President of Sunbridge Financial Advisors, told us how an old letter from his deceased mother was a pivotal moment in his life leading to the creation of “precious moments.” Farnsworth teaches financial advisors and estate planners how to touch hearts, change lives, and connect families using elegant practical tools and systems for legacy building story sharing and deeper relationships. I had dinner with Scott and his two business partners. This year they are working with only three customers…each of these families have a net worth between $25million- $125million. The major challenge in every case is not how to protect the financial assets against unnecessary taxation. That’s the easy part according to the advisors. The hard part is getting the family to talk about family values, issues of importance to each person, distribution of wealth to benefit these issues of importance, structures to promote organizational accountability and family member participation. This theme was consistent from speaker to speaker and workshop to workshop. This was truly an inspirational opportunity to examine my own gift giving process and procedure. As a professional fund-raiser this workshop has challenged my skills and my strategies as I seek to demonstrate the potential impact that public media can play in collaboration with other organizations to benefit people in my community and beyond.   

“There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life–happiness, freedom, and peace of mind–are always attained by giving them to someone else.” Peyton Conway

One of the interesting findings that I discovered in one workshop was research that indicated that 65% of high net-worth families questioned in the study say their greatest fear is that inheriting wealth will harm their children. And, there is ample evidence to indicate this is a legitimate concern. According to the study 70% of intergenerational wealth transfers fail by the end of the successor generation. The primary reasons for this failure are poor family communication and inadequate preparation.

Another interesting finding was learned from author Stephen Post, the director of the Center for Medical Humanities, Stony Brook University. In his latest book, The Hidden Gifts of Helping he extols the health benefits of altruism not just for the receiver, but for the giver as well. Giving, claims Post, extends life span, relieves stress, improves mental health, and helps the heart.

And so my take away from this past exhausting week is that the greatest human need is the feeling that our lives have significance. And one certain path to gaining significance is to be a “giver.”   

“You must be the change you wish in the world.” –Mahatma Gandhi

The Day After Thanksgiving

For those of you who know us, and that would be just about everyone reading this post, Sandy and I have six children and six grandchildren. I am the oldest of six in my family and Sandy is one of seven in her family. So, family holidays are a very big deal. There is nothing more important than family. To top it off, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Thanksgiving is a time for kick-back relaxation, turkey dinners (at least two per day) and lots of pie….all kinds–pumpkin, apple, cherry, custard, lemon marangue….yea, those are the ones that I ate yesterday.

With all of our six children and six grandchildren living out-of-town, this Thanksgiving will be a very special family occasion with new family traditions and new family memories. Some of the kids will come to visit us in St. Louis. This year Kelly arrives with her daughter, Rumi Kai, on the Thursday before Thanksgiving. They will stay for eight days. Her husband, Mark, is headed to Florida to be with his family.  Kelly and Mark live on Guemes Island, Washington, so we see them usually only once or twice per year.

Our son, Todd, and his wife, Jessica,  just moved to San Diego. Todd came to Saint Louis for business reasons the week before Thanksgiving. He arrived Thursday night the same day that Kelly arrived. On Friday, that same week, our grandkids from Springfield arrived. Their parents, Craig and Nicole, were in Florida. So we had Olivia, Evan, Ella, Todd, Kelly and Rumi spending the weekend with us. Then, to add to the fun, Saturday night, Kerry, Kristin and Sienna arrived direct from Seattle (they live in Mount Vernon, WA). If you are still with me, I believe that makes six adults and five little people spending the night Saturday night. Four double beds and two air mattresses were filled. This is what we call family fun, right?

My recall of that weekend (just five days ago) is kind of foggy. Kerry, who is pregnant (forgot to mention that), spent the first night, and most of the weekend, throwing-up. Saturday night, she crawled into bed with us so she could stay close to the toilet. Now, I don’t mind if my little girl comes into our bedroom. Privacy is something that big families are not accustomed to anyway. But she’s twenty-seven years old and about to have her second child. Somehow it seemed a little weird having her in our bed. She was pretty sick so Sandy decided we should give up our bedroom for the rest of the week so Kerry could be more comfortable. We would spend the rest of the week sleeping on a futon located on the third floor, and, of course, there are no bathrooms on the third floor. Not that people my age need bathrooms in the middle of the night, mind you. The third floor? Sure, I was in total agreement.

Saturday morning our grandson, Evan, woke us up at 6:00 am because he wasn’t sleepy any more. Since he doesn’t get to see his out-of-town cousins very often he thought it would be a good idea if they all woke before their parents. Because he and Rumi and Sienna were awake he figured he may as well wake up those two sisters of his. They may have slept a few more hours but, hey, if Evan is up, why not everybody else. Ella and Olivia didn’t seem too happy about the early wake-up call.

By 10:00am Kelly, Todd and I were headed to pick-up their grandpa. My dad is eight-six years old. The kids don’t get to see him often. Mom died last January, so this is the first Thanksgiving without Mom. My kids wanted to take grandpa to lunch. Sandy, the brave one, took four kids (Sienna didn’t arrive until 7:00pm) to the Zoo. By 1:30pm I connected with Sandy to transfer kids to my car. Olivia, Evan, Ella and I headed to the Magic House. Sandy, Kelly and Rumi headed home for a nap.

Fortunately, Todd met me at the Magic House to help me entertain the kids. It was huge fun. I lost my grandkids (or maybe they lost me) many times over the next three hours…fortunately they are old enough to manage the Magic House, it’s three floors and many activities with ease. Forty bucks lighter and three hours later it was time to head for home and then off to the airport to pick-up the arriving visitors from Washington.

Sunday, Craig and Nicole arrived to join us for dinner before they headed for home in Springfield Illinois. When I went to sleep Sunday night I could have slept in the middle of an airline runway. I was tired. Sandy was tired. I think Kerry, Kris and Kelly were tired. I’m not sure if Rumi and Sienna were tired. They were still going strong at 9:00 when I headed upstairs to my futon.

The rest of the week is a blur…I recall some of the highlights….lost socks, broken glasses, spilled milk, cold pizza, ice cream treats, lots of food crumbs all over every room, and, did I mention Kerry had to go to the hospital one day? She had a scare with false labor pains. It turns out she was dehydrated from so much vomiting. I don’t like to write about vomiting so I’ll just end that story here.

That brings me to Thanksgiving Day…..that wonderful holiday that I so look forward to…that day of kick-back relaxation. It all began with coffee in bed. A good start. Then, a nice shower. Then, I’m told, Rumi was running too fast being chased by Sienna when she crashes into a living room light and gashes her chin. Moments later Kelly and Rumi and I are headed to Cardinal Glennon emergency room for stitches. After a three-hour hospital visit with some very nice doctors and nurses at Cardinal Glennon, we headed to my sister’s house for Turkey dinner and lots of pies. Rumi has her chin repaired and one more story for our memory book.

Finally, it’s the day after Thanksgiving. I was up at 4:00am today for my first trip to the airport. Kerry, Kris and Sienna are off to San Diego to see Todd and Jessica as they continue their holiday. At 8:00am I’m on my way back to the airport with Kelly and Rumi. They are headed to Denver to spend a few days before they head home. Another of my sons, Brent, who recently moved to Denver, will pick them up at the airport.  So, they are enjoying time together, as I write.

We miss all of the kids who are out-of-town. Brian, Jenn and Fisher are in Portland, Oregon. Brent is single and finding a new beginning in Colorado. Todd and Jessica are starting a new opportunity in California. Mark, Kelly and Rumi will settle back into their groove on Guemes Island. Kris, Kerry and Sienna return to their life in Mount Vernon, WA. And Craig, Nicole, Olivia, Evan and Ella are busy again with weekend soccer games in Springfield.

Sandy and I are home alone, in our quiet, clean and uncluttered house. And, of course, we are looking forward to next holiday weekend with the kids and grandkids. We are counting the days in anticipation.  We can’t wait! No really, I’m serious. We are really look forward to it. Honest injun. We can’t wait. Well, maybe we can wait.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. We hope you enjoyed your holiday as much as we did.

“We sanctify all we are grateful for.”
– Anthony DeMello SJ

Rose Colored Glasses

I’m going to start this message with a quote that I just discovered recently…

“I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.” Martha Washington (First Lady of the United States of America, 1731-1802)

I love that quote. It’s message is consistent with something I learned as a young man. Someone gave me a book by Martin Kehoe, entitled Your Greatest Power, and the lessons from that book have stayed with me for a lifetime. Your greatest power, according to Kehoe, is the power to choose.  You can choose to be enthusiastic and positive about your life and your opportunities or you can choose not to be. You can choose to be happy or you can choose not to be.

Once in my career, my boss was asking me for an assessment of  a particularly difficult situation. After voicing my opinion,  which was rather upbeat and positive, he accused me of seeing the world through “rose-colored glasses.” He saw the situation through a different set of lenses, one of a pessimist, or as he would put it, a realist. His point was well taken. There are indeed, times when a realistic point of view is necessary.  There are hard times when it would be inappropriate to conclude that one can just change their thinking and things will improve immediately. However, more times than not, that is exactly what you need to do. And it can be done. I remain steadfast in my belief that almost every circumstance can be improved by just thinking about it in a positive way.

So, now that I am older, I have seen many of life’s seasons and cycles. Sandy and I have been flat broke and we have been financially secure.  I know what it means to be unemployed, under-employed, over-qualified, under-qualified. I’ve been lucky and unlucky. I have been the organization hero and I have been the opposite. Through it all I have been blessed with an ability to find the positive side of almost every situation. That attitude prevails, it smothers everything in its wake. A person with a positive attitude sees possibilities through rose-colored glasses. That positive self-expectancy affects situations. It moves situations in a positive direction. Good things happen. I wish it was easy to pass on a positive mental attitude from generation to generation.

My career has taken me to the field of philanthropy. My role is that of a professional fundraiser. What a great field for the incurable optimist–a perfect fit for me, my skills, my passions, my enthusiasm for life and for finding the good in others. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to meet successfully people who have learned the most valuable lesson of life. The truly successful people live by one of my favorite quotes– “We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”   Winston Churchill

So it is that generous giving of one’s time, talent or treasure that is the greatest of life’s pleasures. A truly successful life is not measured by how much a person can accumulate or by your financial net worth.  At death, all of the toys in the world are useless. The only thing that might last forever is what you have given away. No one knows that lesson better than Ben Franklin.

In 1790 Benjamin Franklin left $4,000 jointly to the city of Philadelphia and the state of Pennsylvania. He left instructions that the money should be conservatively invested, but not withdrawn for 200 years after his death.

In 1990 this fund had grown to $1,500,000–375 times its original value. Today that money provides scholarships at Penn College and funds several charitable foundations. Because of his remarkable insight,  Benjamin Franklin continues to benefit thousands of lives even though he has been dead for more than 200 years.

So if you find yourself down on your luck, take a breather, if you must. Then, dust yourself off. Begin anew. Act enthusiastic. Be enthusiastic. Act positive. Be positive. Make something happen-one day at a time.

Don’t waste your time obsessing over what is unfair or unfortunate about
your situation. Put all your energy into what you can do, into the
positive steps you can take, and deliver yourself to wherever you wish
to be.   Ralph Marston

And finally, I leave with this from legendary UCLA basketball coach John Wooden, who passed away this past year just shy of his 100 year birthday.

John Wooden was a special man, the likes of which only come along rarely.  His athletic career and coaching record are unmatched, but his real-life achievements are in the area of personal and human development. He was fond of saying, “Talent is God-given.  Be humble.  Fame is man-given.  Be grateful.  Conceit is self-given.  Be careful.”

God bless each of you, not that you live without difficulties and struggles, but rather that you pray when you feel overwhelmed and helpless, and that you work as if the whole world depends upon your humble effort.